Holly Jolly Secrets with Fionna and Cake
by Slohner
Summary: A gender swapped fanfiction of Holly Jolly Secrets. Italics are flashbacks and regular text is the present
1. Chapter 1

Fionna the Human was looking at the map that cake gave her. She looked up to see Cake smiling and holding a shovel wait for Fionna to say something.

"Cake. You made this?" Fionna said eagerly.

"Yeah" Cake said.

"And buried it here?" Fionna asked.

"Uh huh" Cake said.

"Cake, your awesome" Fionna said. And Cake shrugged.

Fionna started digging first then Cake started. It was a few hours later that they came across what they were looking for.

"A suitcase?" Fionna said happily "oh man." Cake was just rubbing it to get off some of the dirt.

"I found it in the dump and buried it without looking inside" Cake said. The chest opened randomly and Fionna saw what was inside.

"Whoa" she said holding a tape "what a second girl. I know this case. One night while you were at Lord Monochromicorn's house I was dancing in the woods"

_"Evil tapes. Evil tapes." Fionna heard Ice Queen say._

"I saw their Ice Queen doing something suspicious" Fionna said "so I trailed her to the dump. Where she buried this case in the ground."

_"Your evil tapes" Ice Queen said talking to the case of VHS tapes "full of evil secrets. That's why I'm burying you where no one will ever find_ you."

"I stayed out of sight" Fionna said.

_"Hey" Ice Queen yelled at Fionna "hey tomboy I can see you. Your rabbit hat isn't settle." That like that for a long time until Fionna left._

"But I lost track of it" Fionna said.

"Whoa" Cake said "and I found it? Let's have a secrets screening. I'll make some flyers for it."

Cake nailed a whole bunch of flyers everywhere for there house to the edge of the ice kingdom.

"There now nobody will bother us" Cake said confidently.

"Cake!" Cake heard Fionna yell "Cake! Come on!"

**Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you An Adventure Time Christmas with Fionna and Cake. **


	2. Chapter 2 not complete part 1

"Alright" Fionna said holding a tape and looked at beemo "you can play this right beemo?"

"Yes Fionna" beemo said (beemo is the only character without a gender swap). Fionna put the tape into beemo.

"This is so exciting" Cake said to Fionna.

The screen she static for a while them showed Ice Queen.

_"Hello dear diary" Ice Queen said to the camera "got up bright and early and had a healthy and slimming breakfast, did fourteen minutes of cardio"_

"Girl what are we watching?" Cake asked Fionna without taking her eyes off the screen.

"I think it's the Ice Queen's diary" Fionna said.

_On the screen Gunter jumped on the bed._

_"Gunther? Hey, Gunther. Get-get away from the camera, sweetie. Mama's recording her innermost thoughts. 'Member? I explained this to you?" Ice Queen said sounding irritated "Hey, Gunther?" Gunther just started jumping up and down on the bed. "GUNTHER!" Ice said obviously angry."_

"Lets just fast forward" Cake said getting impatient.

"No" Fionna said "we might miss something."

_"There must be more to life than this..." The Ice Queen on tape said. Gunther made a noise that was apparently talking to the Ice Queen "wenk."_

_"I know. You don't like when I'm contemplative. ...C-contemplative... No, con-__temp_-la—Let's put on a play!" The ice queen on tape said.

"What" Cake said angrily. A moment later she was dressed like Prince Gumball.

_"_Oh, Ice Queen! You're so cool! You take such good care of yourself! I wanna be with you!" Ice queen acting crazy said to her penguin with a wig that looks like her hair

"Wenk. Wenk wenk" Gunther made noise and took off wig

"No, Gunther, wig stays on."

"Wenk." Gunther said

"Gunther, I need ya to wear the wig" Ice Queen said to Gunther.

"Wenk" Gunther said.

"Gunther!" Ice Queen yelled.

"Hey, pause it, BMO" Cale said

"There's gotta be _some_ evil secrets in here" Fionna said "I wanna keep watching."

"Okay... Well, why don't I make us some snacks?" Cake said "So I don't have to watch... this..."

"Can we sit on the floor?" Beemo said "I feel so far away from you guys!"

**Meanwhile in the Ice Kingdom**

Ice Queen was trying to shoot an apple off of a penguins head.

"Wenk" it said.

"Now hold still..." ice queen a_imed for apple, but accidentally freezes penguin's face "_You moved! Hey, what's this?"Ice Queen saw one of Cake's flyers "Secret tapes"?! I wanna watch! I'll catch ya later, Gunther!"_  
_

Now with all snacks set out Fionna and Cake watched another tape.

"Gunther, no! Gunther..." another penguin gets confused "Dance pa—" Ice Queen started "GUNTHER!" the Gunther turned to Ice Queen "Dance party!" one penguin ran away from Ice Queen while one dances._  
_

Cake eats one of the snacks. Fionna tries to reach for it, but can't so Cake gives her one.

"Thanks Gunther" Fionna said to Cake jokingly.

"Your Gunther" Cake said in retaliation.

"Oh, fine! Who needs you? More dance party for us, right, Gunther?" the Ice Queen on tape said. A slow song plays and Ice Queen turns to one of the Gunthers "Oh... Eh... May I have this dance? Heh!" she then started slow dancing with Gunther._  
_

"There's probably some evil secrets coming up" Fionna said then heard knocking at the door.

"Let's peek through the window and check who it is! Maybe it's just a pizza." Beemo said.

All three of them quietly went to the door and saw the Ice Queen.

"Maybe she'll go away if we are quiet long enough" everyone gave thumbs up. Ice Queen kept knocking on the door.


	3. Chapter 3

"Eh... No one's home" Ice Queen said disappointed "Guess I'll go away." She started to walk away.

Suddenly Beemo's alarm for Fionna's bath time goes off real loudly.

"Huh?" Ice Queen said noticing the alarm go off.

"Just turn your alarm off!" Fionna said as quietly as she could.

"Hmm." Ice Queen said confused "That sounds like BMO!"

"My alarm says it's time for Foinna's bath" Beemo said "Fionna, get naked."

"No" Fionna said panicking "just hit your snooze button!"

"I cannot have snooze." Beemo said "It's against my programming."

"Well, then, tell _me_ how to do it!" Fionna yelled silently.

"Press and hold" Beemo said while Fionna and Cake were doing so "Then, press the button on top of my head." they both pressed the button on it's head "I'm sorry. ...We can still take a bath..."

Ice Queen started banging on the door again.

"She must know we're watching her tapes" Fionna said nervously "We need to find his secrets faster."

They looked at the screen again and saw the Ice Queen crying.

"Oh, diary!" Ice Queen on tape said "Thank you for listening to me!"

"Fast-forward, BMO." Fionna said and beemo did. They all heard some crazy rambling in a fast paced voice. That they couldn't understand it.

"Play, BMO." Fionna said.

"So there we are." Ice Queen said on tape "Turtle Prince is frozen and in my little ice wheelbarrow, and there was... magic in the air. We were both feeling it. But before I could leave the library, Fionna and Cake show up. You know how Cake is. Stretch this, stretch that, bah! He knocks off my crown and then Fionna bonks me on the nose. Still hurts, too. The worst part is Turtle Prince took away my library card! You know, dear diary, I'm starting to worry that all these entries sound exactly the same, and that my life is just me running in place on some... giant hamster wheel."

Fast-forward, BMO." Cake said and then yawned.

"I'm gonna take a nap..." Cake said.

"No!" Fionna said impatiently "These tapes are important! We just don't know _why_ yet. BMO, fast-forward to triple speed!"

BMO: Okay.

The tape shows the delusional Ice Queen that thinks she's fat trying to work out.

"BMO, play normal speed." Fionna said.

"Come on" Ice Queen on tape said tiredly. She was out of breath "I can't do it..."

"Maybe he's talkin' in secret code." Cake said helpfully

"Telling evil secrets in secret code..." Fionna said "He's _brilliant_!"

"Well" Cake said "how do we decode the secrets?"

"Why don't we call others for help?" Beemo said ejecting the tape back in the case.

"BMO, you're brilliant!" Fionna said.

"Well, who do we call?" Cake said questionably.

"Um..." Fionna said then came up with a person to help "The smartest person we know, Prince Gumball!" she blushed "He's brilliant..."

Fionna called Prince Gumball while Ice Queen was climbing up the telephone pole in front of their house.

"Hey, Prince Gumball." Fionna said into the phone

"Hey, Fionna" he said

"Cake and I found a bunch of secret tapes!" Fionna said excitedly "We were wondering if you'd help us decode them."

"Codes?" Gumball said eagerly.

"Yeah" Cake said taking the phone "they're really stupid, but, y'know... Maybe they're encoded or whateva."

"Oh, you called the right person" Prince Gumball said "I know a _lot_ about codes. Let's start with—"

The line got cut.

"What?" Fionna said confused.

"Oh..." Cake said "we got cut off." They re-dialed the phone."

"Hey, Gumball" Fionna said to the phone "We got disconnected."

Hello, Fionna" Ice Queen said him her perfect Prince Gumball impression.

"Hi" Fionn said still thinking it was Gumball. Beemo walked over to the window and saw Ice Queen.

"Ice Queen is on the phone outside!" Beemo said scared a little.

Both Fionna and Cake ran to the window to see Ice Queen on the phone poll.

"So... how's the weather in Candy Kingdom?" Fionna said into the phone.

"Oh, the usual." Ice Queen in her Gumball voice said "it smells sweet and it's sunny that should probably not be good for some candy people like a jello man or something."

"Turn around" Fionna said "you'll see me."

"Fionna your in my closet!" Ice Queen said in a surprised Gumball voice "that's really creepy!"

"Never mind" Fionna said and decided to get clever "there's a prince in front of my house looking for Ice Queen." Ice queen looked and saw that Fionna could see her.

"What are you doing Ice Queen" Fionna asked angrily.

"I want to much secret tapes with you" Ice Queen said "it'll be fun."

"No" Fionna said firmly.

"But—" Ice Queen started to beg.

Fionna hung up on her.

"She doesn't know that we're watching his tapes." Fionna said "We gotta find these evil secrets before he uses them against us!"

"Oh... Fine." Ice Queen said angrily "No more nice. NOW YOU GET ICE. Try watching those tapes with FROZEN EYEBALLS!"

Ice Queen laughed evilly as she sprayed the house with snow. Cake started to scream loudly.


	4. Chapter 4 I own nothing

"...AAAAAAAAAaaa" Cake sang "aaaloutte, gentille Alouette, Alouette, je te plumerai. Je te plumerai la tête! Je te plumerai la tête! Alouette, je te plumerai!"

Fionna and Cake applauded Cake.

"Huh" Fionna said surprised "I guess you _do _know all the words. Anyway, start the next video, BMO. We gotta crack the code on the Ice King's evil secret tapes!"

Outside, the Ice Queen finishes covering the Tree Fort with snow. She grunts angrily.

"Brrrr..." Fionna said feeling cold "You guys cold?"

"Yeah" Cake said "it's kinda chilly in here."

Fionna rewinds the tape. Ice Queen clears the snow to look through a window. Fionna, Cake, and BMO are now wearing sweaters and have the fireplace lit.

"Agh... What's on those tapes...?" Ice Queen said to herself "I can_kinda_... make it out... Dang it, BMO, just turn to your right a little... Ugh! By the power of ice... I want your cup of cocoa to fall over." BMO's hot chocolate freezes, rises from the cup, and knocks the cup over. "Yes! Now turn and pick it up..." Beemo turned around and picks up the cup "Yes... Yes..." she gasped as she views herself on BMO's screen. "That's... _me_? THEY'RE WATCHING _MY_SECRET TAPES?!" She went _away _from window angrily. "_And _they're _cozy_. I'll show them." She made a snowman really quickly "This snowman looks pretty good." she smiled "Pretty darn good!" she put a face on the snowman and laughed playfully.

A video shows Ice Queen crying for no apperent reason.

"I think I can break the code, Fionna" Beemo said.

"Really?" Fionna asked.

"Yes" Beemo said confidently "I have detected a noticeable pattern in the tears of sadness that fall from the Ice King's eyeballs." _BMO demonstrates on the screen._ "His tears drop at an equal rate until the thirteenth tear, when the right eye drops _two_ tears instead of _one_."

"Whoa..." Fionna said.

"This is so fascinating..." Cake said.

"The thirteenth letter of the alphabet is "M." Beemo said "If I print the letter "M" every time the Ice King says an "M" word, it looks like this!

"Oh, my Glob, Cake... Is this it?" Fionna said eagerly "Could this be the Ice Queens's evil secret?" A picture shows up of Gunter "WHAT DOES IT _MEAN_?!"

Outside, Ice Queen is pacing back and forth in front of a snowman army.

"Some of you won't survive this" Ice Queen said to the snowmen "You'll melt or split in half or your head will fall off... but that's fine... because you're made of snow. Only _one_ thing matters today! Getting into that tree house, getting my tapes back, and _beating up Fionna and Cake_! Maybe BMO. Yeah, BMO too! Who's with me?! There is no response "Hey, why're you guys so quiet? Are you mad? Oh, that's right. You're not alive yet. My bad."

She uses his ice magic to put life into the snowmen. The snowmen yell and grunt. Finn, Jake, and BMO notice the noise and run towards the window. When Finn opens the curtains, Ice King right in front of the window.

"Gimme my tapes back" Ice Queen said firmly.

"No" Fionna said "I know you've got evil secrets on these, and we're gonna find 'em!"

"Snowmen!" Ice Queen yelled "Attack!"

The snowmen came towards Ice Queen and attack her.

"Crip, Cake!" Fionna sais fearfully "We gotta unravel these evil secrets at warp-crazy!"

The trio goes to the bedroom and hides under the bed to watch another tape.

"Good morning" Ice Queen on tape said "You're watching the _evening_ news. There's been an unfortunate event. Let's go talk to some _witnesses." She _turned the camera to an imprisoned Wildberry Prince._"_Prince, what is your name?"

"Please! Let me go home!" Wildberry Rince said on tape.

"So, Prince "Please-let-me-go-home" Ice Queen on tape said "... what was it like to experience this tragedy?"

"What?" Wildberry Prince said stammering "I... I don't... uh... um..."

"Yeah, we're on air, honey," Ice Queen on tape said "so spit it out."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Wildberry Prince said.

"Obviously traumatized and in a state of shock" Ice Queen on tape said frustratedly "Let's go ask somebody else something. _Turns camera upside-down "_Upside-down Prince, do you think things will change politically because of today's events?"

"You're really frightening me." Wildberry Prince said.

"Well, there ya have it, folks." Ice Queen on tape said "People are very upset that Gunther tried to eat Ice Queen's socks! _Very_ upset! That's why Gunther has to stay in the corner"_  
_

"Weird... " Fionna said A loud sound is heard "He's sneakin' in through the chimney!"

Ice Queen busted through the chimney with all her snowmen following her.

"Ah... The element of surprise..." Ice Queen said and looked to her ball gown to see her dress dirty "Ah, jeez, I'm filthy." She took off her dress with only her underwear and bra on "Well, now I'm cleaner, but I'm also nakeder." Goes to another room and notices a table full of delicious-looking food. "Ohh! Mmm... Just what I need..." She pulls the table cloth from under the dishes, shattering and spilling everything on the table. "Hehehehe..." She put the cloth in the shape of a dress and put it on "Come on, come on!"

The snowmen enter the house. Ice Queen pulls out a locket with pictures of Fionna and Cake in it to show the snowmen what they look like. The snowmen scour the house.

Back in the bedroom, Finn and Jake are watching a tape of Ice Queen singing a cover of Marshall Lee's Fry Song.

"Yeesh..." Cake said.

Back in the other room, a snowman opens the refrigerator and motions the other three snowmen to join him. The four snowmen look through the refrigerator. Ice King angrily shoos them away.

"They wouldn't be in the fruit bowl!" Ice Queen whispered talking to a snowman sticking it's head in a fruitbowl. When it looked up an apple stuck to it's face "Ohhh! Well, look at you with your nose shining so bright! You're so unique! Hehe! I'll name you Red-nose, and make you leader of the pack!" She accidentally knocked the apple off the snowman "Eh... Well, now you look boring." The snowman look saf "You want somethin' done right, ya gotta do it yourself." She just stuck the apple on her face.

_In the bedroom, Fionna and Cake are watching another tape of Ice King crying. A snowman notices them and knocks the bed over, uncovering the trio._

"Now gimme my evil tapes back!" Ice Queen said angrily "They're supposed to be buried! In the ground!" Ice Queen fired her magic at them, but missed them "Snow goons."

"Oh, no!" Beemo said worried for its friends. With the last tape.

"Don't worry, BMO! Just play it" Cake said. Beemo played the tape.

A human woman showed up on the screen.

"Hello" the pink skinned woman said "My name is Betty Smith. I am recording this so people will know my story"

"Oh no Beemo turn it off!" Ice Queen yelled.

"I was a doctor" Betty said "now I never believed in the supernatural, but everything changed when I had gotten this item."

On tape Betty went to a safe a took out the Ice Queen's tiara.

"The Ice Queen!" Fionna and cake said at the same time.

"After an incident with my fiancée Simon" Betty on tape said "he had somehow turned my engagement ring magic. He saw things and shouted at them. The strangest part was that I saw them also. It wasn't until after Simon took off the crown did I stop seeing the visions. I looked at him in horror and I ran, but it wasn't in fear of him it was in fear of seeing the visions of the crown. I left to go back to my home town in Russia and took off my engagement ring. The very next morning I saw the same gem on this tiara. When put on my head I saw the visions again."

Static changed the seen to where Betty was blue.

"Since then I see the visions whether or not I wear the tiara." Betty on tape said "the tiara tells me secrets. That the power of the ice will save me with it's frost. I don't yet know what this means, as you can see my skin is turning blue. My body temperature is at an unnatural low at what is about 30 degrees Celsius. I don't know when it will end. I'm really scared."

Static changed the screen again with Betty with longer hair and eyebrows.

"I know my mind is changing" Betty on tape said "but I'm already to far gone to know what do. I want people to know that if I do thing. If I do things that hurt anyone please...please forgive me." she looked at a picture of her and Simon then the picture changed again. Now she looked like Ice Queen with shorter hair "please anyone who ever sees this just watch over me until I regain my sanity and maybe when I find my Prince Charming Simon again maybe we will fall in love all over again." Ice Queen started crying.

"Drrr-AMA bomb!" Cake said quoting LSP.

"Now you know my secret!" Ice queen said "You know... that I used to wear glasses! _(Sobs more)_Maybe kidnapping Wildberry Prince will cheer me up."

"Wait, Ice Queen BMO, eject tape, please." Beemo put tape back in the case and gave the case to Fionna that went to the Ice Queen "Here, Ice Queen."

"What's this?" Ice Queen said "You're giving me... a gift."

"No..." Fionna said confused "It's... well... These belong to you."

"But it's not even my birthday!" Ice Queen said excitingly "This is so exciting!" she opened the case "Video tapes! Heh, you know, I had a bunch of these once, but I threw them away! This is great, Finn! Thank you!"

It's from me, too." Cake said not wanting to be excluded.

"Oh! I have presents for you guys, too!" Ice Queen get the small pine tree and skunk "Here. It's a small pine tree. I chopped it down in one foul swoop!" Ice gave Cake the skunk "And this is for you!"

"Uh... thanks." Cake said not wanting to hurt her feeling now.

""Oh, isn't this fun?!" Ice Queen said "We're giving each other presents, we're wearing silly clothes, there's snow everywhere... Let's do this _every_ day!"

"Uh..." Cake said not knowing what to say.

"How about once a year?" Fionna suggested.

Ice Queen laughed quickly "Okay, that sounds good."

Shelby: And so it was decided... that once every year when the weather got chilly, that Fionna, Cake, the Ice Queen, BMO, Prince Gumball, Marshall Lee the Vampire King, Cinnamon Bun, Peppermint Maid, Phil, a candy cane woman, one of the gumdrop guys, Lord Monochromicorn, Lumpy Space Prince, that guy, the _other_guy, the pig, Tree Trunks, a two-headed duck, the old crazy Tart Toter, the punchbowl, a booger, and Gunter... would get together while wearing really big sweaters and watch videos on the floor next to a fire... to celebrate the day when Finn and Jake had a fleeting moment of empathy for the biggest weirdo in Ooo. It was a miracle. Good night.


End file.
